The name of this blog is LIFE IS MORE THAN SOUND BITES. Here's a sound bite: CANCER SUCKS! My heart is breaking, piece by piece, and I can't find the repair kit. Hopelessness has snuck in where hopefulness has been residing for many months. It doesn't stay too long. I won't let it but it does get in every once in a while.
We have been married for almost 51 years. It's not long enough. We promised each other that we would grow old together. We still need to grow much older. On this journey that has been thrust upon us, we have found unknown depths of strength and hope and positivity rising up through the veil of anguish, fear and anger.
I hang my hope on what might be termed "inner strength" to will an outcome that will crush, once and for all, the cancer that has invaded our lives. I scream in the car and rail against the circumstances we find ourselves in. The tears flow now and again, just not where they can be seen. It's the only release I have.
There are so many different days we are living through: days of hope when things seem to be going okay, days of doubt when something new or unexpected pops up, days of calm when things have remained the same, days of anger when too many ugly thoughts invade my mind. The yoyo of emotions plays on and on. Nevertheless, hope springs eternal and that is something we will never give up. We are sustained by the love and support of family and by those friends who have remained in contact. And even though I'm not much of a god person, I am extremely grateful for all the prayers, mishaberahs, rosaries and supportive thoughts and actions coming our way. This kind of a circle of support helps immensely, calming our minds and hearts.
HOPE and OPTIMISM continue to be the words we live by. There is no other alternative.
Cancer: the scourge of humanity. May it rot in Hell.