Shopping has become a distasteful chore. I haven't done much of it for the last several weeks so I ventured out today to get some stuff I actually needed. I was in a drug store and walked down the greeting card aisle on my way to another part of the store. I slowed down and physically caught my breath as I silently thought,"I won't be buying him cards any more." I was breathing hard and choking as I left the aisle. I made a quick purchase and left the store. I went to another store and as I went through some aisles the same thought popped into my head: Look at all the things I won't be purchasing anymore because they were his favorites.
It's disconcerting to realize the small ways my life is changing. I've had a lot of very good advice from friends, some who have walked down this road I'm now on and others who want to do anything they can to help soothe my heart. Nothing has quite worked yet and so I realize this is going to be a very long and winding road and a difficult process.
Gawd, I hate going through this but strangely (or maybe not so strange) I feel as if I have an arm around my shoulders gently guiding me down this road.