Nope. Not yet. It's clear to me that I haven't really accepted the reality. I cried out today in silence. Not a sound came out of my mouth as my chest heaved in pain and the tears flowed copiously down my cheeks. Not a sound, even as I gasped for breath. This happens every once in a while but today's episode was more crushing than before.
My mind's eye is doing a number on me. Most times the images I 'see' bring a smile for the warm memories they invoke. It's the other times when those mental images bring a sadness that becomes more overwhelming because I can't actually share them with him. That's when the "oh gawd" refrain bursts from my mouth, followed by the silent "He's not here." Even then, I shake my head as if to shake that notion into oblivion.
It just still seems unreal. That 'someday' and 'time' I keep mentioning.... stills seems far into the future.