It's just past ten months and through the solitude of my days my thoughts are always of my Beloved and the myriad of experiences we shared. I have been avoiding, consciously or unconsciously... I'm not sure which.... going to places where we went together. I'm not including places like food stores where I HAVE to go. Desert Botanical Garden in Phoenix was one such place where, because we were members, we delighted in spending many, many days there, leisurely walking through this peaceful and beautiful sanctuary.
I went there, with cousins, for the first time without him on Sunday. It felt strange and bittersweet but I was able to enjoy the peacefulness and beauty of the place. And while walking through, I envisioned our previous visits, almost as if he was beside me. That was strangely comforting.
There is so much that I miss about him, our intense love for each other, the jokes and puns, the incredible laughter that was always part of our days, but I really miss his companionship. I miss him actually being with me as I go about my daily activities because we literally went everywhere together. The one place I didn't go was to the law school when he taught. If he could have figured out a way to keep me occupied for the duration of his classes, he would have loved to have me drive him in and back because he hated driving so much!
And because we went everywhere together, we talked a lot, enjoying a running commentary on everything and even singing along to some songs on the radio. I was so lucky to have that. Maybe that's why I talk to him so much now when I'm driving. It's certainly not the same but I can't be silent as I drive around. My thoughts come tumbling out as if he were right beside me in the passenger's seat. In my mind's eye, he's right there. And I consider that a good thing.
Copyright © 2018, Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
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