The pitter-patter of the heart

From the moment I came home from our first date, I knew that I was in love with Warren. I felt it emotionally and physically. My whole being was wrapped up in thoughts about him and my heart wouldn't stop thumping.

That feeling in my heart never went away. As the years went by, people commented to us about how happy we seemed to be, how close we were, how attuned we were to each other. We just smiled, knowing how right they were.

In all the many years we were together, each day as we went about our respective jobs away from each other, during our time in the Air Force and in civilian life, arriving back at home was the sweetest time as we fell into each other's arms, hugged and kissed, grateful to be together again. And always, every day, my heart would pitter-patter to the point where I thought it might burst out of my chest.

Long into our marriage, many of our acquaintances seemed to marvel at how happy we were all the time. I found the attitude a bit puzzling until I realized that many of them didn't seem to have quite the same kind of relationship that we had. There was genuine disbelief when I mentioned that even after all these years, whenever Warren came home, my heart would start to pitter-patter and my mouth formed into an endless smile.

Happiness ruled in our house and the proof was in the heart. Every time I laid eyes on him my heart would rev up! And ever since my Beloved Warren has been gone, my heart's pitter-patter continues every time I think of him, every time my eyes fall on a photo of him, at every memory that shoots through my mind, at every video I watch and at every voicemail I listen to. The pitter-patter of the heart continues and I smile amid the tears at the sweet memories.

Copyright © 2019. Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved.

Sometimes music is my enemy

I was cleaning out an area of the living room where all our music CDs are stored. So I pulled out a bunch and placed them near my computer. I have a stereo system that stores and plays 51 CDs. I hadn't used the CD player for several years and the CDs were still in there. So, I figured out how to start the thing and began listening to the music. After the third one, I shut it off and went out to do an errand, glad to get out of the house for a bit.

So, now it's after lunch, I'm back at my computer and looking at a zippered CD holder full of the discs. Most of these discs are compilations that either I made or friends made many years ago (when I knew how to do that.) I start to play them, one at a time, and I'm swept back in time to happier memories and the tears start pouring down my face. It's as if a dam opened up and, unlike the little Dutch boy, I can't stop the flow.

I let the meltdown happen and I know more will follow because this is June and Warren's first Yahrzeit is coming up. Our home was always filled with music and listening to the music from these old CDs makes my mind play the memories like a long movie....... a love story. Only now, I feel pain and sadness mingled with them.

As a meme that came through to me today says: Time doesn't heal anything, it just teaches us how to live with the pain. Maybe I'm just a slow learner.

Copyright©2018. Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved

My quiet village

I live in a very small, quiet village, replete with lots of silent time. And while I'm there, my thoughts  flood with memories of our life together. I first met Warren when I was sixteen and had so many freckles he thought I looked like Howdy Doody. Some will remember who that was. And then I didn't see him again for two years. I had changed considerably. After our first actual date, I remember coming home and telling a friend that Warren was the man I was going to marry. Our love affair lasted over 56 years!

I heard the song, Memories, written by Mack Davis and William Strange, the other day in the car. One line had me shaking my head in agreement and with tears streaming down my face: "And quiet nights and gentle days with you"...... a perfect description of much of our life together. The rest of the lyrics seem to describe what I'm going through now.

Oh yes, the pain is still there in my heart. It's just not screaming as loud (most of the time.) I'm remembering the quiet nights and gentle days more often.....and I smile. The memories engulf me like a cocoon and the quietness of reflecting makes me feel surrounded by his love.

Copyright © 2018, Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved