Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Some more heartache

I've been living with heartache since my beloved Warren died over three years ago. I've learned to keep it from overwhelming me most days. One of the ways I've been able to do that is taking comfort in the love of both my dogs, Snuggles and Sterling.  They've helped me keep my sanity.

But now, more heartache has snuck in. My adorable little Sterling has made his trip over the Rainbow Bridge. Four and a half years ago, he survived his first bout with cancer. Our vet saved him with lifesaving surgery.  He and Warren had bonded from the moment we got him and he was absolutely Warren's best buddy, following him everywhere and sitting in his lap every chance he got. He knew Warren wasn't well and stayed by his side always.

So, when Warren died, Sterling turned his attention to me. He seemed so lost and sad. He started to cling to me and started following me around everywhere I went. Both he and Snuggles showered me with enormous amounts of love, as only doggies can.

About five months ago I noticed some lumps under Sterling's chin. He had developed lymphoma. I was devastated. And though my vet and I tried desperately to save him without putting him through painful chemo, it was not meant to be.

However, as with my beloved Warren, I feel robbed of time we should have had, had it not been for the dreaded diagnosis of cancer.

Snuggles and I feel the emptiness and she has taken to following me everywhere, not letting me out of her sight. I can see the sadness in her eyes and true to living up to her name, we are snuggling more and more because we both need each other more than ever now.

We all know that when we rescue doggies and they become beloved members of our family, most likely we will outlive them. But our love for each one makes our time with them so precious. And our time with Sterling was filled with lots of love and giggles. It was just too short and I miss him terribly.

 The image of the Rainbow Bridge which ends in a beautiful meadow is very powerful. I like to think that Warren and Sterling, best buddies, are together, along with our other four wonderful doggies, playing around in that meadow. That's a very powerful and beautiful image, too.








Copyright © 2020. Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved.

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

Another day, another tear

Great sadness made me think of strange and scary thoughts. There were some nights I'd slip into bed and think, "I might not survive the sunrise." The pain was that great.  Now, more than three years later, the intense pain has tamped down but, alas, another day, another tear.

The tears have not stopped. They are active daily, in moments, but especially at bedtime when I finally lay down, settle in, turn to his side of the bed and see the doggies curled up there....where he used to be. I sigh, the tears slowly roll down my cheeks and I whisper to him that I love him and miss him, as I've done every night since........

And yet, I'm not swimming in delusions or self-pity....at least not anymore.  The tears are just a gentle physical reminder of the love that still exists between us.

The broken heart remains but I have gently gathered up most of the pieces, put them in a velvety box buried within my soul where I have easy access to the beautiful memories and feelings.

Copyright © 2020 Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved.