In the wee small hours of the morning, when I find it difficult to sleep, I rise from bed and tiptoe into the living room, tap the base of a small lamp, pick up the book I'm in the middle of reading, settle into the rocking chair and immerse myself in a different world. It's during these times that worries retreat to a faraway place, so far away that when my eyelids finally start drifting downward, my only thought is to get back to bed before I fall on the sofa fast asleep.
These kind of nights have started to happen a bit more frequently of late. To what do I attribute these sleepless episodes? I'm at a place and age in my life where worrying seems to be walking toward center stage. My life has been an extraordinary ride, full of excitement, wonder, good times, good health, lots of laughter and much happiness... intermingled with those times that are filled with sadness that happen to everyone.
So, during some of those wee small hours, the book gets put aside and I start talking with myself, having a two-way conversation, you know..... one of those "On the one hand....", then "On the other hand...." Sometimes those conversations take me all over the place, sometimes they stay right on point, on one particular area of worry. I've yet to come up with any perfect solutions or clear cut answers to the myriad of questions these conversations raise. But sometimes, once in a while, the conversation crystalizes enough for me to tap the worry down a bit and convince myself that I or we will get through whatever it is that has to be tackled. Somewhere, deep down, strength seems to wend its way to the fore, clear my head at least for a while and I feel once again in command.
Wherever I got that strength from I am thankful that so far it has appeared when I need it the most.
So, what do you do in the wee small hours?
Copyright. 2017 © Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
So, I was thinking......
I'm not young anymore although I keep thinking of myself as a "little kid" who still hasn't figured out what I want to be when I grow up. I simply have this mindset that keeps my head in my 3rd or 4th decade and not where it's supposed to be. Now that's not a bad thing, except that I have kids older than that.
Every once in a while I think back over the years, remembering the path my life has taken and I smile contentedly at how that journey has gone. It's been an amazing, interesting, exciting, and joyful ride along with many somber & mournful times interspersed. If I had to pick one phrase that would describe that ride I would choose "laughing my ass off" the whole way through.
I bring this stuff up because I'm hoping I'm just in the "autumn of my life" and not the "winter," and because I've been sick for the first time in a very long time. Consequently, my thoughts about the future run the gamut from a bit of trepidation to very hopeful.
To those of my friends and relatives who are around my same age, I assume you've all had thoughts pretty much like mine. Warren and I have been pretty healthy for most of our lives and we try to do all the things to keep us that way. When there's a blip on the road, it brings you "up short," makes you assess what you're doing and then make the necessary adjustments.
I'm feeling much better now but I resolve to take even better care of myself. I still have much of my journey to go and hope the ride will be full of good health and, with Warren's usual help, it's going to be one full of giggles all the way.
Every once in a while I think back over the years, remembering the path my life has taken and I smile contentedly at how that journey has gone. It's been an amazing, interesting, exciting, and joyful ride along with many somber & mournful times interspersed. If I had to pick one phrase that would describe that ride I would choose "laughing my ass off" the whole way through.
I bring this stuff up because I'm hoping I'm just in the "autumn of my life" and not the "winter," and because I've been sick for the first time in a very long time. Consequently, my thoughts about the future run the gamut from a bit of trepidation to very hopeful.
To those of my friends and relatives who are around my same age, I assume you've all had thoughts pretty much like mine. Warren and I have been pretty healthy for most of our lives and we try to do all the things to keep us that way. When there's a blip on the road, it brings you "up short," makes you assess what you're doing and then make the necessary adjustments.
I'm feeling much better now but I resolve to take even better care of myself. I still have much of my journey to go and hope the ride will be full of good health and, with Warren's usual help, it's going to be one full of giggles all the way.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Friendship vs. Acquaintanceship
Distance takes its toll. I really miss my Connecticut friends and the wonderful times we spent together. We forged a special bond with each which we treasure beyond measure.
But it's not the same here. We've met such wonderful people but they are not exactly the same kind of friends. They are lovely acquaintances. We met through a common organization and do things together because of the organization. 'Socializing' or just getting together as friends do is not something that occurs.
Life doesn't often offer the chance to create a family of friends. We've lived around the country and in almost all the places we've lived we met people whose friendships we cherish. Most of those 'family of friends friendships' have lasted for decades. As we moved from place to place it was unbearably difficult to leave people we had come to love. I can count on both my hands who these people are. And we've been fortunate to have that many.
The problem is they are not here. Yet the closeness that we once shared has not been broken by the thousands of miles that separate us now. But they are not here, not close by, not close enough to share holidays, activities, trips, life. Sometimes I wish I could freeze the picture I carry in my mind and heart of those days.
But it's not the same here. We've met such wonderful people but they are not exactly the same kind of friends. They are lovely acquaintances. We met through a common organization and do things together because of the organization. 'Socializing' or just getting together as friends do is not something that occurs.
Life doesn't often offer the chance to create a family of friends. We've lived around the country and in almost all the places we've lived we met people whose friendships we cherish. Most of those 'family of friends friendships' have lasted for decades. As we moved from place to place it was unbearably difficult to leave people we had come to love. I can count on both my hands who these people are. And we've been fortunate to have that many.
The problem is they are not here. Yet the closeness that we once shared has not been broken by the thousands of miles that separate us now. But they are not here, not close by, not close enough to share holidays, activities, trips, life. Sometimes I wish I could freeze the picture I carry in my mind and heart of those days.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
If you have your health....a not so good turn in life...
"If you have your health, you have everything." Those words are the ultimate truth. My son ruptured his left ACL and meniscus. He had to wear a huge, heavy brace on his leg and couldn't move around with it. That's not a good thing. When you're taking a long plane ride, you're told to get up, walk the aisle and when sitting, wiggle your feet and bend your legs to prevent clots.
As a result of wearing the heavy brace and inactivity, Ethan developed a pulmonary embolism and collapsed. He managed to call a neighbor and that's when the drama kicked into high gear. EMTs rushed him to the hospital where the docs found a HUGE clot that had broken into pieces which were meandering around in both his lungs and his leg. He was told he was lucky this didn't kill him.
He is now on clot-busting drugs, still hospitalized, being watched, having tests and generally making his mother's hair turn white!
What is amazing to me, though, is the incredible kindness of his wonderful neighbors and good friends who came to his rescue, got him the medical help he needed, took care of his personal stuff, have visited and helped with the mess in the house from when he collapsed, continue to help and give comfort. Since Ethan is a vegan (and the hospital food people do not have a clue as to what that entails) his friends have provided food he can eat. These are extraordinary people and to them we are eternally grateful. Friends and relatives who know about the situation have offered their help, prayers and healing thoughts.
Mom, Dad and brother have all cleared our calendars to fly up to be with him on a round robin basis. It's what we do, not only because it's right, but because we love him and need him to know we are there with him, for him and always will be.
It's a lot more complicated than this but we'll get through this together. And we are feeling the hugs, the love and the strength from all those who have let us know they are thinking of us.
As a result of wearing the heavy brace and inactivity, Ethan developed a pulmonary embolism and collapsed. He managed to call a neighbor and that's when the drama kicked into high gear. EMTs rushed him to the hospital where the docs found a HUGE clot that had broken into pieces which were meandering around in both his lungs and his leg. He was told he was lucky this didn't kill him.
He is now on clot-busting drugs, still hospitalized, being watched, having tests and generally making his mother's hair turn white!
What is amazing to me, though, is the incredible kindness of his wonderful neighbors and good friends who came to his rescue, got him the medical help he needed, took care of his personal stuff, have visited and helped with the mess in the house from when he collapsed, continue to help and give comfort. Since Ethan is a vegan (and the hospital food people do not have a clue as to what that entails) his friends have provided food he can eat. These are extraordinary people and to them we are eternally grateful. Friends and relatives who know about the situation have offered their help, prayers and healing thoughts.
Mom, Dad and brother have all cleared our calendars to fly up to be with him on a round robin basis. It's what we do, not only because it's right, but because we love him and need him to know we are there with him, for him and always will be.
It's a lot more complicated than this but we'll get through this together. And we are feeling the hugs, the love and the strength from all those who have let us know they are thinking of us.
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