Wednesday, October 14, 2020

Forever changed

 I look in my mirror now and I see my mom's face. Sometimes I just stare intently and say to that image staring back at me, "Hello, Fannie." Mom used to wear her hair pulled up on the sides with a comb and she made a French twist with the long hair at the back. That was before the name  'French Twist' was even applied to that style! And now I realize I have been using combs in my hair almost like she did, sweeping up my hair on each side.  I don't do the French Twist. I just let the hair hang down. It's now half way down my back. And my mom had the most gorgeous skin. She never needed makeup. She had what she described as having "high color", pink cheeks so she never needed to use blush. I didn't inherit her color, I got my dad's. But I do see her beautiful face staring back at me and silently thank her for giving me a bit of her beauty. 

My hair is all white now, a color Warren never saw me with. I colored my hair most of my adult life, first a dark brown and then I tried a variety of colors. I didn't look great as a blonde or with black hair! But then I went to auburn because I had that color naturally, as did my mother. So, for decades of our marriage I was a "redhead," a color that seemed so natural on me and one that Warren just loved. 

After my beloved Warren died, I stopped coloring my hair. There seemed to be no reason to keep it up and the white had started to creep in. It wasn't long before my whole head of hair turned white, just a matter  of a few months really. That seemed to be record time to me.

So, getting back to the mirror..........  While I stare, I wonder if Warren would love this color on me. Of course he would. He always told me I looked great no matter what I wore or how I looked. He always made me feel beautiful. He always made me feel loved and he always made me feel cherished.

And now that he's not here with me, I talk to his photos, I talk to him while looking in the mirror, I talk to him while staring at the lone star in the sky above my patio and I talk to him in my head. I have been forever changed......... in the way I look, in the way I think, in the way I live. It is such a different life but one thing has remained constant....... the love he showered on me for so many decades still lives within my heart and the love I still feel for him has not diminished at all. We will forever be that loving 'couple' who enjoyed a fifty-five year love affair. And to me, that love affair will continue til the end of time. That will never change.


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