I sit at the table, eating breakfast and reading the newspaper. And when I'm done, I just sit, stare out the window and know that the silence is deafening. Sometimes I talk to him, my beloved, and sometimes I can hear his replies in my mind. And yes, the tears begin to flow and I let them dribble down my face, onto my shirt and lap.
I hear the silence throughout the day. It is a constant reminder of the immense anguish I still feel. I don't imagine this will go away any time soon.
I fill the days with tasks that have to get done but very often I'll stop what I'm doing, look at the photo and feel his presence. The photo was recently sent to me by a cousin (bless her!) It's a closeup of the two of us and when I look at it, he's looking directly into my eyes. As I stare back, it gives me a small sense of comfort and a bit of peace. And, yes, I talk to him as I gaze directly back at him.
The anguish is raw, the silence is deafening, the heartache and pain are real.That's just the way it is right now. I don't wonder how long it will take for all that to lessen. I don't care. I think those feelings will always be part of my life and I'm okay with that. I'm learning to live with what is even though it's a very difficult lesson to learn.
Time will heal? Perhaps...... Perhaps........