Friday, September 15, 2017

Sometimes .......I just can't..........

Sometimes I just.........can't.............stand.............it!

The void is huge. The realization overtakes me and it's like a blow to the head and I cry out at the top of my lungs. The tears are copious and I sometimes have to struggle to breathe. Too often it happens while I'm driving. That's not a good thing although I haven't had to pull over to the side of the road yet.  When it happens in the house, I scare the hell out of the doggies. But then they 'scooch' over to me and bury their heads in my chest. That calms me down. They are a lifeline for me.

I can go through some days in a fairly normal manner with just a few outbreaks of sadness. Then there are those other days. I suppose my road is not really different from the road others have taken in this situation.....and I understand that.  But I hate it, I just hate it.

These are strong feelings that get to me but I allow them to wash over me because if I don't I'll explode.

I haven't forgotten to laugh, though.  Friends call fairly often and there's always something to chuckle about in these conversations, especially when they bring up Warren's puns! And when they do, I picture his beautiful smile, his laughter and the twinkle in his eye.

I keep thinking what a blessing it was to have such an extraordinarily wonderful man living with me for almost 51 years. But I wanted more.........more..........more......so much more time. So sometimes I just..........can't......stand......it.

I'm dealing with it........badly perhaps........but I'm doing the best I can.  Everyone says ...... TIME.  It's going to take a lot of time, a whole lot of time for me.........if ever.


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