I'm beginning 2021 in a little better health than the last two months of 2020. I contracted Valley Fever with bilateral pneumonia and it really knocked the hell out of me. It was more than scary for me. I've never been so sick and felt so alone.
Over the years, I've been lucky enough to enjoy relatively good health. But during the few times when I wasn't well, I always had Warren to lean on. He always took such good care of me. I always felt protected and knew he would never let anything bad happen to me.
This time though, I felt uncertain, vulnerable and scared. There were a few nights when my breathing was so labored and I would get into bed wondering whether I would get up in the morning. The dread of being alone was almost overwhelming. As much as I love Snuggles, she had some trouble stepping into Warren's role for the reassurance and comfort I always had when Warren was with me. But she found a way to help me in her own 'snuggling' way.
It's times like this that the wound opens up wide and the anguish comes spilling out. I let it flow until it runs out of spaces to go.
I talk to him all the time. While I am sick, though, I specifically ask him to see me through this like he always did. "In sickness and in health"............ we always took care of each other and I truly believe he has been watching over me and making sure I get better every day.
And even though I'm not quite out of the woods yet, (I still have pneumonia), I feel almost normal. I believe Warren's influence helps me retain a sense of calm and hope as I take all the precautions necessary to make a complete recovery.
Thank you, my Darling, for the presence you still have in my life. You are always with me.
Copyright © 2021. Reisa Sterling Miller. All Rights Reserved
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